Keep Your Crappy Pizza: Laurie Notaro Divides the Spoils of the Culinary Culture Wars – Arizona News

Keep Your Crappy Pizza: Laurie Notaro Divides the Spoils of the Culinary Culture Wars – Arizona News

Wal-Mart v. Target.

Buttons v. elastic.

Pinot grigio v. Mountain Dew.

Culture wars.

We’re hearing the term more and more to describe the political climate in this country; it’s no longer Democrat v. Republican, liberals v. conservatives.

The gap is widening, not only along political ideologies, but culture itself.

As a country, we haven’t all watched the same news for a while now; we don’t drive the same cars, and half of us don’t believe our bigger-than-a-parking-space SUV has any correlation to climate change because scientists and experts have an agenda (what that is, the rest of us still don’t know).

Half of Republicans believe higher education is worthless, and consider the word “elite” dirty, even though they voted for a guy who literally has 24K gold wallpaper.

The state of our country has boiled down to this: PBS v. Duck Dynasty.

When Donald Trump tweeted that transgender people were now banned from serving in the military, the gap grew even wider, and if we’re really talking culture, it’s just a matter of time before restaurants tumble in and fall on top of news cable shows, bronze statues of Confederate heroes and freedom fries.

Therefore, I’ve done a bit of legwork so when the time comes, as in any day now, we know where we belong and can retreat immediately to those areas. We don’t want to eat with you any more than you want to eat with us; may a stray fiber from a pussy hat never again touch a MAGA baseball cap back-to-back in adjoining booths.

It’s time for some boundaries. Here you go.

THE RED ZONE

Fast Food (but not Arby’s)
Conservatives, waiting for your coal mining jobs to come back can make a man mighty hungry, so when it’s time to chow, feel free to…

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