For most bands, having a fan die at a concert is a tragic and traumatic event. For the intergalactic warlords in Gwar, it’s an occurrence that happens at least once a minute during most performance — and that’s still not enough.
As janitors and coroners working in San Diego and Pomona this past weekend can attest, the only way to know that Gwar really performed their shortened Warped Tour set is by checking the injuries on the hundreds of dead bodies piled up at the venues. Of course, the informal mass graves make for a logistical nightmare for many concert and festival promoters — who’ve occasionally been known to shy away from Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, and the half-dozen other equally fearsome warriors in Gwar — but that’s not to say that Earth’s festival circuit is exactly what the murderous musicians would consider a good time either.
“It’s been terrible,” says backing vocalist and mass executioner Sawborg Destructo of his time on Warped Tour. “There are too many kids here. I can’t stand it.”
“There are a lot of kids here, unless you’re in Las Cruces….” adds bassist Beefcake the Mighty. “There are no kids there anymore, because we just left there.”
“The thing that I don’t understand is that every time we do one of these shows, there are more and more kids — except in Las Cruces — but we keep killing them!” Destructo says. “By the end of the night, there’s a pile of bodies in front of the stage, but they keep coming back. Does the human race just procreate that quick? Is that what’s going on?”
But even the most painfully youthful of tours still has its benefits…
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